Minding my Mind Dysfunctions

What irregular dysfunctions does my mind have?

What might be potential causes?

This is an irregular post for me, analysing details about my specific brain. It may not be applicable to many, but could be to those with similar problems.

I can attempt to determine effects throughout my life, which seem to be significantly different and dysfunctional compared to average people, which are a result of the function of my mind. Then attempt to determine a seeming connection of concept and cause of those effects. Perhaps this will help me understand my mind, my experiences, and myself better.

Some main effects in my life, caused by the odd function of my brain that I’ve noticed: 

1. significant social anxiety from as early childhood as I can remember, until around age 25

2. Excessive paranoia from weed since teenage yrs 

3.  obsessive questioning, confusion, mild delusions/ hallucination, paranoia, severe reduced muscle control from weed after age 29. + from shrooms, + on 2+ occasions from previous night lack of sleep, excessive alcohol after age 25, + 1 occasion from severe heart issue

Potential concept causes 

Social anxiety from a young age could be connected with self consciousness, and awareness of others. I remember regularly feeling self conscious of how I was acting, what I was saying, and constantly being aware and anxious and semi-paranoid of how others were perceiving me and what I was doing. These effects were significantly reduced if I was only around someone I knew well, and basically non-existent if I was by myself (or only with pets). It seems evident the social anxiety was caused by my awareness of others perception, and my excessive focus on that element. Regular people are of course also aware of others' perception of themselves, but for me it seemed to be constant, and triggering anxiety subconsciously. I remember often consciously analyzing my social anxiety, and being aware that it is very irrational for me to worry about what others think of me. Since the anxiety persisted, it seems it was triggered subconsciously, even though it involved conscious aspects, such as self consciousness, and awareness of others perception. It’s also very evident it’s a subconscious trigger, since the anxiety was reduced with people I knew well, and therefore repeated positive feedback from interaction with the same person would counteract the anxiety without my awareness. Additionally, my social anxiety towards even people I dont know, seems to have almost diminished around the age of 25, once I gradually had positive feedback from renting out rooms, and regularly had positive feedback from interacting with new people of similar interests through events using Meetup.com

Excessive paranoia after smoking weed could likely be similar causes of self consciousness and awareness of others perception. Weed likely increases subconscious influence on the mind in some way, so this connects with my increased paranoia which usually involved those same concepts of being overly focused on how others were perceiving me, and excessive worrying that I’m acting odd or doing something wrong. When high, I would additionally be paranoid of getting in trouble with authority figures, which may very well be a similar concept of increased subconscious triggering neurochemicals which cause anxiety. Similar to self consciousness, this also involves conscious portions of mind function, in order to make the connection of cause and effect of the potential to get in trouble with authority figures, as a result of smoking weed, which was illegal back then. 

Confusion, mild delusions/ hallucinations, paranoia, reduced muscle control correlated with 3 various circumstances is a bit more puzzling. This is perhaps explainable and common effects from shrooms as happened once when I tried shrooms, but from weed or lack of sleep + excessive drinking is very unusual from what I’m aware. From what I can remember, these effects from weed only started occurring around age 28 when I tried weed again after approximately a 6 yr gap of no smoking weed. These effects from lack or sleep and excessive drinking started occurring around 20014, age 26. This seemed to have began from a heart problem incident which occured after a night of excessive drinking and lack of sleep. In the morning, excessive heat from a shower which likely slowed my heart rate, then extreme negative emotion, which then caused a jolt then tingling throughout my limbs, and collapsing. After this was the symptoms of confusion, incoherent thought, and reduced muscle control to the degree I couldn’t walk for about half an hr. I know very little about medical science but perhaps this was an issue involving my heart and affecting my brain.

This incident seems it could be directly correlated with future situations involving similar symptoms from weed or lack of sleep and excessive drinking. The effects of confusion, incoherent thought, and lack of muscle control seem to be prevalent through those scenarios. Perhaps neurological connections were altered, which were then later triggered when my brain was in a state of increased subconsciousness, such as high from weed, or reduced cognitive ability the morning after 2 nights of lack of sleep and excessive drinking. 

Social anxiety seems to have been caused by my subconscious use of conscious concepts. Paranoia from weed seems to be a similar concept, just increasing these effects from increasing the effect of my subconscious mind. My heart incident seemed to have alter my brain activity in future circumstances of increased subconscious effect. The paranoia continued from weed, but additional confusion, dissociation, mild hallucination (on 1 occasion from apparent very strong weed), and reduced muscle control. These additional effects seem they could be from some aspect of reduced neurological connection of cause and effect between various smaller concepts. Part of my mind seems stil conscious and aware in those mind states, but it seems subconscious has significant more control over my reactions and ability to consciously make connections.