Minding my Mind Dysfunctions

What irregular dysfunctions does my mind have?

What might be potential causes?

This is an irregular post for me, analysing details about my specific brain. It may not be applicable to many, but could be to those with similar problems.

I can attempt to determine effects throughout my life, which seem to be significantly different and dysfunctional compared to average people, which are a result of the function of my mind. Then attempt to determine a seeming connection of concept and cause of those effects. Perhaps this will help me understand my mind, my experiences, and myself better.

Some main effects in my life, caused by the odd function of my brain that I’ve noticed: 

1. significant social anxiety from as early childhood as I can remember, until around age 25

2. Excessive paranoia from weed since teenage yrs 

3.  obsessive questioning, confusion, mild delusions/ hallucination, paranoia, severe reduced muscle control from weed after age 29. + from shrooms, + on 2+ occasions from previous night lack of sleep, excessive alcohol after age 25, + 1 occasion from severe heart issue

Potential concept causes 

Social anxiety from a young age could be connected with self consciousness, and awareness of others. I remember regularly feeling self conscious of how I was acting, what I was saying, and constantly being aware and anxious and semi-paranoid of how others were perceiving me and what I was doing. These effects were significantly reduced if I was only around someone I knew well, and basically non-existent if I was by myself (or only with pets). It seems evident the social anxiety was caused by my awareness of others perception, and my excessive focus on that element. Regular people are of course also aware of others' perception of themselves, but for me it seemed to be constant, and triggering anxiety subconsciously. I remember often consciously analyzing my social anxiety, and being aware that it is very irrational for me to worry about what others think of me. Since the anxiety persisted, it seems it was triggered subconsciously, even though it involved conscious aspects, such as self consciousness, and awareness of others perception. It’s also very evident it’s a subconscious trigger, since the anxiety was reduced with people I knew well, and therefore repeated positive feedback from interaction with the same person would counteract the anxiety without my awareness. Additionally, my social anxiety towards even people I dont know, seems to have almost diminished around the age of 25, once I gradually had positive feedback from renting out rooms, and regularly had positive feedback from interacting with new people of similar interests through events using Meetup.com

Excessive paranoia after smoking weed could likely be similar causes of self consciousness and awareness of others perception. Weed likely increases subconscious influence on the mind in some way, so this connects with my increased paranoia which usually involved those same concepts of being overly focused on how others were perceiving me, and excessive worrying that I’m acting odd or doing something wrong. When high, I would additionally be paranoid of getting in trouble with authority figures, which may very well be a similar concept of increased subconscious triggering neurochemicals which cause anxiety. Similar to self consciousness, this also involves conscious portions of mind function, in order to make the connection of cause and effect of the potential to get in trouble with authority figures, as a result of smoking weed, which was illegal back then. 

Confusion, mild delusions/ hallucinations, paranoia, reduced muscle control correlated with 3 various circumstances is a bit more puzzling. This is perhaps explainable and common effects from shrooms as happened once when I tried shrooms, but from weed or lack of sleep + excessive drinking is very unusual from what I’m aware. From what I can remember, these effects from weed only started occurring around age 28 when I tried weed again after approximately a 6 yr gap of no smoking weed. These effects from lack or sleep and excessive drinking started occurring around 20014, age 26. This seemed to have began from a heart problem incident which occured after a night of excessive drinking and lack of sleep. In the morning, excessive heat from a shower which likely slowed my heart rate, then extreme negative emotion, which then caused a jolt then tingling throughout my limbs, and collapsing. After this was the symptoms of confusion, incoherent thought, and reduced muscle control to the degree I couldn’t walk for about half an hr. I know very little about medical science but perhaps this was an issue involving my heart and affecting my brain.

This incident seems it could be directly correlated with future situations involving similar symptoms from weed or lack of sleep and excessive drinking. The effects of confusion, incoherent thought, and lack of muscle control seem to be prevalent through those scenarios. Perhaps neurological connections were altered, which were then later triggered when my brain was in a state of increased subconsciousness, such as high from weed, or reduced cognitive ability the morning after 2 nights of lack of sleep and excessive drinking. 

Social anxiety seems to have been caused by my subconscious use of conscious concepts. Paranoia from weed seems to be a similar concept, just increasing these effects from increasing the effect of my subconscious mind. My heart incident seemed to have alter my brain activity in future circumstances of increased subconscious effect. The paranoia continued from weed, but additional confusion, dissociation, mild hallucination (on 1 occasion from apparent very strong weed), and reduced muscle control. These additional effects seem they could be from some aspect of reduced neurological connection of cause and effect between various smaller concepts. Part of my mind seems stil conscious and aware in those mind states, but it seems subconscious has significant more control over my reactions and ability to consciously make connections.

Life Length

What is life or death?

What outlines the length of a life?

The definition of life is difficult even for biologists to outline down to all the details. When it comes to life and death relative to our perceived significance, perhaps it is even more difficult to pin down. 

In a recent post; Momento of Memorability, I considered that from a common perspective, orderly memory access seems to be one of the most significant aspects of human life and existence. In a post from last year; <I>, it seemed to resolve that the mind is likely the most relevant element to what defines a person as an individual. Does this mean that the fundamental requirements for life for a person could be outlined as; their mind accessing memories (which are relative to 1 another or circumstances)? 

If this is considered the fundamental requirements, there could be additional components to life as well, such as perception, emotion, and action, but the minimum component would be conscious memory access. Death would then mean the permanent discontinuation of relevant memory access. The specific degrees of the parameters which constitute this definition of death, would be very difficult to distinguish. What type of memory access is relevant, could be an important distinguishment. For it to be considered life rather than death, how similar does the relevant memory access have to be, which is being continued?

If the concept and idea is accepted, that an individual is defined by their mind’s memory access, then the perspective could be taken that death would include the discontinuation of a mind being used in a generally similar way. As I mentioned in the post; <I>, an individual could be defined by their mind use over various amounts of time. If someone is only considered to be themselves based on a short time period of tendencies for their mind use, then alterations in that type of mind use could be considered death. By this interpretation, an individual would die from any semi-drastic changing of how they think. A significant change in their mind would indeed be permanent discontinuation of memory access in the way that defines that individual. By these perspectives, then, new life would emerge as the new individual, being the new mind and memory access tendencies. 

The question of detail of degree of similarity for continued mind use, may very well be a significant one. If someone has a body and mind with the capability to continue using their mind in similar ways, by accessing memories in similar methods, but perhaps they reduce or alter their mind usage for a time period (for eg. drugs, depression, or even changing their environment and living situation), then has that which makes life of that individual died? 

Or if you take the perspective that a life is a physical body with any type of use of their mind, then is the only significance or relevance, the physical object? When every particle in someone’s body is replaced naturally over a 7 yr span, have they gradually died? Could a mind within a body be completely changed (psychologically or technologically) and it would still be the same life? 

When it comes down to it, as many might be, perhaps these perspectives of concepts, definitions, and parameter details vary, and are relevant based on context. Questioning these idea’s and analyzing potential relevant concepts which could apply to life, might be in itself a significant aspect of life. 

The Meaning of Meaning

What causes the perspective of meaning?

We often have a mutual common acknowledgement of values and what is meaningful and significant in life, but what are the common directive concepts which cause this sense of meaning?

Perhaps the 1st step would be interpreting what the term “meaning’ means. Generically the term “meaning” seems to basically “mean”; explain the intent or purpose. That sentence itself was a good example. To extend this concept to this topic, the questionee at hand would be; the cause of the perspective of purpose or intent in general life, for people. 

In my last post; Momento of Memorability, I questioned the significance of memories, and considered that it seems from a likely common perspective, there is more significance in accessing memories which are relative to one another or circumstances. This seems to be true for specific conscious thoughts accessing memories of factors which are relative to one another through interaction and cause and effect, but also true for multiple overall conscious memories being accessed relative to other conscious memories or to practical circumstances. This perspective of significance, caused by combination of smaller portions which are relative to one another, seems to be the common concept in what gives us the sense of meaning.

From a naturalistic point of view, orderly combination may be appealing to us since it generally allows productiveness towards a goal, increasing the probability of survival. Consciousness causes orderly comprehension of how factors within any general circumstances cause and effect each other, allowing progress and survival through altering factors for an intended effect. It might make sense that we feel significance and meaning from order, since order is often what allows an intended purpose to be successful. 

Without order, there would be no stars or planets or galaxies, but a chaotic mess of elements. There would be no initial spark of life to continue to change, adapt and evolve into more orderly organisms. Without combination of smaller relative portions there would be no formation of letters into words, words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, or paragraphs into topics. There would be no technology, society or progression. 

It seems very intuitive and acceptable that without order, there is no purpose. But on a deeper level, what does not seem naturalistically explainable, is what causes the order and counter-entropy. While the universe seems to be generally working towards entropy, its absolutely amazing that entropy has been counteracted progressively with negentropy to the degree that we exist as conscious beings to even question these concepts. In this world, it seems the less chaos and the more order, the more meaning there is, and perhaps its suiting that we work towards it. 

Momento of Memorability

Many things throughout someone’s life are forgotten, and many things remembered. How significant is the ability to remember? And remember to what degree? 

The meaning of the term “significant” might be relevant and “significant” as to what I’m referring to. For the context of this topic, I’m referring to something being significant as relative to overall life and meaning. Various subjective perspectives could be taken on what makes something significant or not, by these terms, but I’ll try to consider the common perspective.

Perhaps memory is not that significant to life or an individual? But without memory, what makes an individual significant? I questioned what defines someone and what makes someone significant in a post from last year; <I>. From a likely common perspective, it seems someone’s mind is a major part of what makes them significant, and a major and fundamental part of the mind should be memories. Every choice someone makes, and mostly every reaction, is entirely dependent on their memories. After all, without any memories, someone would have no clue what anything is and virtually be in a continuous infant mind-state. 

So considering memories overall very significant, then what degree of memory access is significant? The degree of memory access can perhaps be summarized into 2 general categories; conscious, or subconscious. I’ll consider subconscious memory access to be any memory access to which the individual is not aware or comprehending, and conscious to be awareful comprehension of interaction (or cause and effect) involved in the memory (further detail here; Conscious Comprehension). 

Are subconscious memories significant, or only conscious memories? This could be very debatable and controversial, as animals’ memory access could be considered subconscious (as I consider it mostly), so if only conscious memory is significant, then animals’ lives would be considered generally insignificant. If subconscious memories were as significant to life and existence as conscious memories, then this would mean all animals are as significant as people. If you believe this, I hope your vegan ;). This would also mean that any person is as significant when they are in a subconscious state, (such as very drunk, dreaming, or simply not paying attention) as they are when conscious. 

My opinion is that the degree of conscious memory access is far more significant than subconscious. Perhaps most would agree based on experience, that when someone is awareful of their surroundings, circumstances and existence, and able to make choices and decisions based on awareful comprehension, this seems much more significant. If mainly conscious accessible memories are significant, then to what accuracy and quantity of access of these memories is significant? 

Just like the concept of consciousness itself, perhaps the significance does not come from quantity, but from relevant, applicable, and effective combination. If consciousness is significant because the brain accesses memories in an effective and relevant combination of portions and their relativity, then perhaps memories overall which are accessed consciously, are only significant if those memories are relevant in combination with circumstances or other memories. This seems evident to some degree, since if someone (or even an AI in the future) accessed a massive quantity of conscious memories and concepts which are not related to anything within circumstances or other conscious memories, then this seems insignificant. Memory access of a jumble of unrelated data seems irrelevant. 

Of course this memory access would be impractical and unproductive, but another question might be; is that what causes our perspective of what is significant or not? Is significance and meaning in life only relative to practical accomplishment? Or causing more order and combinations of smaller portions which are relative to one another? Or something else?